A Beginners Guide; How to accidentally not quite kill yourself

Ok, i have been told, repeatedly, that although i am neither clumsy nor accident prone i do appear to have an alarming tendency to hurt myself, the positive element to this, i am told, is that for the most part i manage to do so in an amusing, entertaining or otherwise funny way. I think this would be the point to emphasise that this is what people who are not me think.

As a premise i thought i should briefly list the injuries i have had in my life: Broken skull, broken finger, exposed hip bone (stripped skin + muscle off), fractured (left) leg, broken (right)wrist then i went to secondary school, at which point most of my injuries become far more superficial, although also more regular, the more serious being concussion, a twisted ankle and various cuts scrapes and burns.

Unfortunately after going to uni and the two years prior things seemed to get marginally more serious to wit: stab wound, broken finger (a different one) broken hand, damaged tendon, hit by a piano, broken rib, hit by a car and most recently a fall from a roof.
In my defence, as i will go on to explain, although those final events my seem more serious, dire or worrisome, they are not actually the worst and i am skipping over events that did not cause injury, such as being chased across a field by a horny highland bull. Also, despite various injuries and inabilities i have only spent the equivalent of three days in hospital, and at least 8 hours of that time has been looking after other people (severe dehydration and abbesses)

The cunning plan i have devised is that, over the next few weeks/ months i will go through, hopefully in an entertaining manner, the various ways i have hurt myself, partly to make myself fell better by getting to laugh at myself and secondly to let all of you laugh at me and feel better because i’m really rather silly/stupid